I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
not ubering you a puppy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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