went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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