don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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