Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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