got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize