Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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