I accidentally had phone sex last night
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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