i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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