I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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