...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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