Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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