Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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