I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize