I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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