I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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