My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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