She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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