first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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