so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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