upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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