Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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