also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Welp...herpes.
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I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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