at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
third nipple confirmed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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