i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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