I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize