The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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