apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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