FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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