So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize