Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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