ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize