Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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