At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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