great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm like, not good at living.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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