There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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