I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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