if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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