just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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