thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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