I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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