dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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