thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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