When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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