Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize