you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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