u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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