My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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