Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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