8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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