Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize